Without Conscience

For over twenty five years I have barricaded
myself from the possibility of having to rely
on anyone.

Since my accident I have become a parasite.
I can't go anywhere unless someone takes me.

Since October I have been working with K.
We went to school together and I assumed that
the basic standard of humanity would apply.

It did until about December when I suppose he
tired of decency and moved to his true self.

One of the things about Jews is that they feel
a sense of obligation to others. Their sense
of guilt in behaving not up to 'standard' will
effect them; if not at first then at last.

Non Jews, especially those who have no real
religious or ethical base do not have this kind
of internal 'monitor'.

As I live nowhere right now and have no one
and nothing to go home to, it really isn't
important if I get home at 5 or 7. It is just
a matter of decency what time I will be taken.

Originally K would have his son R drop
me off at the 'right' time. Then he decided
that I should wait for his wife who will be
going up with the kids.

As she has her own demons, and has been
adversely effected by living with a man so
selfish and cold she has been warped.

She originally would arrive at the office
and collect me and her son; perhaps taking
ten or fifteen minutes to spend on the
Internet.

Now, she's gone full tilt into sitting
on it for an hour and half.

Why?
How?

She knows I'm waiting and it probably
gives her orgasmic joy knowing she
can keep me trapped while she bangs
away doing nothing.

But further, there is another child, Z
who is taking extra lessons. The lessons
finish at 5:30.

As a parent I have always tried to be
early. I didn't want my child to be
standing there, waiting for me, perhaps
feeling insecure.

The one time I was late I felt so guilty
although it was beyond my control.

She, however, does not leave the office
until 5:30. This would mean that the
child would have to wait, at the best
ten minutes.

On Tuesday, however, the child has
another class at a different school
which begins at 5:45.

It is perfectly possible for the child to
be on time if the mother arrived at 5:30.
But on Tuesday the mother does not leave
the office until 5:45. This means the
child waits at least 30 minutes so she
can arrive at the other lesson late.

It is remarkable to see people like this
for I don't believe I have ever been
exposed to anyone of this nature before.

A mother, so angry and resentful that she
will punish her own children.

K and his wife have nothing to go home to.
Nor do their children. It seems evident they
have stayed together for the 'sake' of the
children who have come to mean nothing to them.

On Friday, knowing I go to shul K
decided to take me to the funeral of
Dudley Thompson. I knew what was going
to happen and thought to jinx it, but one
can't ever thwart this kind of genetic
evil.

So as it got closer to 5 pm I told him
I would walk, he said he'd be ready in
about ten minutes

He sat in a Church listening to a liturgy
as all the speeches had been over.

He was going to sit through an entire
Catholic ritual not because he was interested
in it, but because he knew if he could make
me wait he would gain that overwhelming sense
of power he craves.

I gave him ten minutes then went to shul.
I left him sitting in the Cathedral. I
wasn't even angry or surprised that he
would do this. It is an integral part of
his character.

I suppose my taking it as good theatre isn't
what they had in mind.

Maybe they'll one day realise how it would sound
when I mention their actions to anyone.

Yes, I can get the fact that Wife needs to
view her email, needs to take a glance at her
Facebook Page, but once it goes over fifteen
minutes it is no longer the reason...the reason
is to show power.

I walked to shul, wondering how many minutes after
I left he did. For what pleasure could he get in
exerting authority when there was no one to see it?