Two Becomes One

We're all taught that we 'need' a man to 'fulfill' us. We are taught to see ourselves as half a circle. We have lives but they are directed towards this 'goal'. We meet someone, we fall in love, we join with them, and it isn't long before we are not half a circle, we are swallowed up in his circle.

Relationships are very rarely equal. In marriage, and near-marriages, one person, usually the woman, becomes the adjunct, at best, subsumed as usual, destroyed as worst, by the man they 'love'.

There are moments when one realises it, but 'for the sake of the marriage', puts aside 'selfish' goals, and erodes more of her personhood. Sometimes one can define 'Stockholm Syndrome', other times, the identification with the abuser, as Bettleheim documented.

In the best cases it is usually like having a 'parent' who 'looks after us' and 'forms our character.'

We try to stay in the relationship as long as we can, as if there's a benefit in losing our identity. And lose it we do.

Those who were always followers, not particularly opinionated or ambitious can go from parents to husband quite comfortably. Those who broke those parental bonds and became whole suffer the worst when they marry and have to return to the constraints of having please others and displease ourselves.

It is only after; when the marriage breaks down, or when the other person proves to be so much less that we no longer respect nor need to please, that we recapture our essence. That the We becomes Me, and the Us returns to I.

Feminism

And you know in 1970 we thought we won. Yeah. We really thought we had done it.

Well, we didn't.

Women are bigger sex objects in 2010 then they ever were. Not just objects, self-selling objects.

The so-called singers spend more time exposing themselves, so that hearing a song on the radio is like yawn, then seeing the slut tearing out herself on a video and realising, this is why the song sells.

Actresses; can't sleep with enough people. Not merely other people's husbands but wives as well, and we're supposed to, respect them?

On the street, tits are dangling like cow udders, pants so tight you can tell who shaves and who doesn't, and bathing suits are made out of dental floss.

And women expect to be...respected?

Gloria Steinem prophesied that a black man would be President before a White Woman.
Yeah.
If a woman is businesslike she's too cold. If she's warm and open, she's not professional, if she has more degrees than a thermometer but isn't married; well you see her problem.

So a woman gets some big post that used have MAN written all over it, and to get over, she has to adopt the cutesy sweetsy persona so that she isn't 'threatening.' If she doesn't she is 'threatening'...and getting rid of her is priority one.

We thought our daughters would enter the world with the interest and ability and opportunity we had to fight for. They enter as either anorexic sticks or bloated cows, and their interest is pretty - husband - money - things - baby.

It might as well be 1910.

What it means

A schmata is a Yiddish word meaning rag. I'm using it to contain all the disconnected thoughts I want to share with the world. Or myself, depending on how this blog takes off.

My first schmata concerns feminism.