No Denouement

I used to imagine having this dramatic confrontation where I'd reveal everything in this powerful voice and my kids would have to realise how wrong they were about me.

As this was rather tasteless, I thought about an email, one of those beautifully constructed bits of deathless prose.

I imagined various scenarios and each slammed up against the same 'wall'.

I choose to be as vacuous as they are, to share nothing, to answer in sentence fragments.

I assumed they would hold to a fantasy long after

my death, so moved the entire relationship,

(or lack thereof) to the box marked Trivia.

Over the years various 'tricks' were attempted

to pull my tongue; I recall the last trick was in one

telling me my Grand Daughter wanted to know my 'history'. I had grabbed this with job, and began to write about

my Mother's side of the family, posting a 'chapter' each day.

So taken by my story I wrote on and on, emailing one chapter
had reached chapter 4 and for some reason sent chapter 14 instead. There was no response. There was no notice that I had gone from 3 to 14 for no one was reading my work. It was just a trick. I ceased. Years passed and out of courtesy I sent an ecard. This provoked a long diatribe about the meaninglessness of ecards. I ceased all attempts at communication. Years passed and then I was told that one of them wanted to get in touch with me. So I connected. Because it was a facial call he could gauge that his arrows fell to the side. This is because after so many years one simply no longer has that automatic caring. And he realised whatever hook he had was gone. And he realised he wanted to make a link. Before it was too late.

Walking into Wierd

So I wind up working for a batchmate. He pays me
a monthly salary. It's kind of a 'alternative
universe' experience on one hand and time eating
enslavement on the other.

What strikes me as fascinating in the kind of person
he became. Maybe all this double faced domination and
egotism was always there but he never got a chance to
daub me with it.

Maybe it's something that developed over the years.
But what I'm seeing is his effect on his wife and
kids, which is incredible.

Although he has a lot of kids with different women
those that 'grow' with him a somewhat warped.

What takes an average person a few hours or days if
they are especially damaged never happens with his
kids. They stay distant, self contained, as if
other people don't exist.

The wife has the ability to be normal but refrains
when around him. She doesn't pop into the office
all happy and outgoing, she slinks in silent, rarely
announcing her presence, not going to him, and being
silent.

The older boy is a virtual zombie. He holds his cell
phone in his hand at all times and texts. He is
constantly texting.

He has no conversation. He can be silent all day.
Trying to make conversation with him is contraindicated.
He gives one word answers if one does get an answer,
never betrays his feelings.

That he needs to communicate is proven with his
cell phone. He is always texting, reading texts,
no matter what is around him.

He doesn't talk to anyone.

His mother believes he has a girlfriend she has
never met. But there is no proof. No name no
meeting, just endless silence.

His sister came for a brief time to the office.
She is a bit more outgoing than him, but they
don't talk. She talks if spoken to or if she
needs something.

There is no relationship between the parents
and the children or among the children.
It is as if they were raised in silence and
forced to be silent so have come to see
silence as normal.

Another son from a different mother whom he
didn't raise is normal. He can talk, express
opinions, make remarks.

He doesn't talk to his half siblings at all.

The batchmate has a very cold and disrespectful
way of talking to me...his main remarks are;
"Too much Talking."

I come in sit down, turn on the computer and
look at what is dumped on my desk. I start the
work but don't call him in most cases because
it only leads to dismissal.

He doesn't want to hear anything from me.

He comes out and doesn't make eye contact,
sometimes barks an order.
Once and awhile smiles and shows me his
good side, but this might be 1 minute every
other week.

He doesn't want me on the phone; be it my own
or the office, or seeing anyone in his sight.
When he's absent the office is warmer, happier,
when he's there a pall hangs over the rooms.