There are people who seem to want to use you for a mirror. They want to reflect their faults. Hence they are not cold, you are. They are not always searching for fault, you are. And unless you pay particular attention, you wind up caught in their fantasy world.
This doesn't happen without resistance when you care. In most cases, you are listening with a third of an ear, or reading while playing scrabble, answering email, and cooking dinner. So they get over by your disconnect.
Because what they think isn't important to you, they get the chance to attribute and then to carry their 'findings' around like a flag. And suddenly, you find yourself stressed out because your apathy has created the monster.
Getting rid of these people, or at least putting them into 'containment' is necessary for your equilibrium.
Cutting down contact, redirecting, and letting them expose themselves in non-charged ways does have an effect.
As soon as you find yourself 'defending' or explaining, cut off. The next confrontation is set for pointlessness. The same intense nit-picking or 'whatever you say I take the other side' mentality, will become over obvious when it's one of those current event things in which their opinion is worthless. That they advocate with intensity proves that they are not discussing that issue, they are attacking you.
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